And this is why you are the threat to trans kids, not "liberals", if we need to assign blame beyond the right-wing ideologues who need a moral panic to motivate their base and have few qualms about how much suffering they cause along the way.

It is exactly this kind of extreme dichotomy (and all the follow-on high-intensity stuff) that allows the right to paint trans advocacy as an existential threat. You enable the kind of vicious counter-reactionary efforts that they thrive on. This doesn't absolve them of full responsibility, but as a strategy it has devastating consequences for trans kids. Fantastic for group cohesion on your side (that's how fights work--everyone bonds to their side more tightly), but abysmal for the trans kids in the areas where this strident dichotomy places you on the losing side.

Nobody should have to go through what you went through.

But guess what? Unless you live in an authoritarian regime, and you are the dictator, you have to persuade people. You don't persuade people by doing this: when someone suggests some ideas of trans advocates are irresponsible, say they want you dead (when they don't); when someone doesn't accept exactly what you say because you say it, shut them out (instead of finding more persuasive stories and/or arguments); get frequently involved in violent altercations; and be generally disruptive and obnoxious.

That's how you force an outcome (sometimes works when you already have a lot of support but inertia is stopping an actual change, or most people really don't care at all), not how you persuade people.

And the reality right now is that trans kids are suffering the most because what is needed is a broad coalition of supporters and the tolerant against the hateful and callously exploitative which you can only get with some compromises.

So ditch the extremism if you care about trans kids now. If you are willing to sacrifice them for the prospect of some future culture war victory...well...I still disagree with the strategy, but at least it's not so obviously the wrong move.

So, how do you actually protect trans kids, ASAP, in the U.S., in red states?

The escape avenue is a great one--absolutely! Sometimes things are just a horror and you have to get out. There needs to be a path for this. There also needs to be a lot more expertise available to consult with families on gender issues, with low risk of ideological contamination either way so that everyone can trust the advice (i.e. no "every kid uncomfortable with their gender should be allowed to transition immediately, no questions asked", no "transgenderism is a social contagion that can be cured with prayer and strict discipline"); this can (sometimes) help keep things from getting to the intolerable stage.

Lean into gatekeeping, hard. None of the scaremongering of the right (or any of the legitimate concerns) work if careful assessment, stringent criteria, and detailed follow-up are all performed. If that leaves out some varieties of trans identity--well, by construction, those identities aren't the ones that cause people the greatest anguish when they're not affirmed. If people are trying to deny all trans identity, triage and start with the most inarguable and most essential, and work out where the boundary should be (if there should be any) later on.

Focus on the core issues that affect most people day-to-day, not litmus tests that are irrelevant to most trans people's actual lives, like whether Lia Thomas should be allowed to compete on a women's team or if only AFAB women should (or if some trans women should, but Lia Thomas shouldn't, etc.). Even if you're right (and you might not be), it's polarizing.

Humanize relentlessly--humanize trans kids, humanize everyone else, too--and expect the best of people whenever it isn't a grave imminent danger. Yes, you'll be disappointed sometimes. But you cast a much wider net to call people in if you expect the best of them.

Target the most hurtful and ineffective practices, like conversion therapy. Contrast those--harmful, hurtful, disproven voodoo nonsense--with the best-in-class, discerningly-applied medical care with a proven track record. Don't reach for the greatest change imaginable. Reach for the starkest contrast imaginable.

That's how you move people. That's how you make things a lot better, though not perfect, when perfect is inaccessible.

Is it enough to overcome the political and religious juggernaut that has placed trans people in its sights? Well, I don't know.

But I do know that the with-us-or-you-want-us-dead, we're-gonna-confront-fascists-every-night, I-don't-care-what-you-care-about-I'm-gonna-disrupt-all-your-school-board-meetings approach is a pretty much guaranteed failure for trans kids in (many) red states.