But people who aren't involved still color what they see with any existing biases, and giving fodder to people who paint feminism as belligerent and bigoted is hardly likely to help.

People who are involved tend to get polarized (see e.g. https://www.nature.com/articles/s44271-024-00089-2) and the polarization is exacerbated by anger (see e.g. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pops.12899).

Anyway, no, I don't ignore bystanders, but I think you and I have a very different idea about what the impact is: I think your approach polarizes quite selectively, driving away potential allies as they see that there's nothing there that speaks to them. Since bystanders are, pretty much by definition, hard to observe, do we have any way to gain evidence about the degree to which our respective outlooks is correct? I mean, we could run a SurveyMonkey survey that could actually get a read on these things, but that's more expense than I'm willing to foot right now. You have yourself noted that you don't get very many positive comments from men.