I'm interested in the accuracy of the reasoning being used here, not in any particular conclusion. You seem to be arguing a point that I wasn't disputing.

However, that said, imaginary things actually affect our minds, and our minds can affect both our minds and our bodies (including biochemically--fear is an especially dramatic, acute example), so your reasoning for "gender cannot cause" is also clearly wrong.

However, although gender can (and does) cause things, because it is mediated by our minds there is considerable flexibility in what it could cause, as you've pointed out. The bounds of the flexibility are, I think, not entirely clear, but it's more than nothing and probably less than everything.

There is also considerable flexibility to treat people well regardless of how we view gender, so things like "I need to bully you because I think gender is like so-and-so" is not a very convincing excuse.