Maybe you're reading different comments than I am.

I totally agree when it comes to the loudest and most polarized voices. But do they speak for an appreciable number of people?

The U.K. has a reputation for not being terribly trans-friendly compared to, say, the U.S.. So if we look at a poll about attitudes there, we would not expect to find particularly trans-positive results, would we?

Here's one such poll: https://yougov.co.uk/topics/politics/articles-reports/2020/07/16/where-does-british-public-stand-transgender-rights

If you look at the poll, though, what stands out most is that the answers are not uniform. It's absolutely not invariable hostility.

Every subgroup...every single one...is generally positive on the idea that trans women who are victims of rape or abuse should be able to use women's shelters for such victims.

Every subgroup...every single one...is generally negative on the idea that trans people should be able to change their gender without it being a doctor-approved medical diagnosis.

This isn't what "invariable hostility" looks like. This is very context-dependent.

Note also that attitudes are considerably more positive for trans women having access to women's spaces if they've had gender reassignment surgery than if they haven't. Again, this is not a sign of invariable hostility. This is context-dependent concern. The concern might be misplaced, but it's absolutely context-dependent.

So, I'll take you at your word that all you see is invariable hostility. But this isn't what is going on in broader society, so if you step outside of the battle between polarized extremes, where nobody wins, nobody is held to high standards of evidence, and if we're lucky, nobody pays any attention, then there seem to be actual concerns that people seem to actually hold and actually base their opinions on (at least, the opinions reflect what you would expect if the concerns were genuine).

You ask what cis women want to be called instead of "cis women". But then you turn around and reject the answer you've already got: "women". What is difficult about the idea that (some) women are used to being called women and would like to keep being called women? Did you actually take that idea seriously, consider it deeply, wonder to what extent it's possible to honor that request? Or did you decide, without reflection, that this automatically indicates hostility towards trans women (when you are the one trying to change something that might be dear to them, and they might very well be willing to accept that "trans women are women")?

I'm not saying that the request should necessarily be honored--I don't understand the strength of feelings, among other things, to have an opinion in any particular direction. But when people say something is important to them and you ignore them, then the most parsimonious explanation for what went wrong is a failure of compassion on the part of the person doing the ignoring, not that the original speakers were disingenuous or malicious and deserved to be ignored.

I do not think we will make progress as a society by being less compassionate, only by being more compassionate.