This sounds like a quite narrow idea of "gender conformity", especially when applied to your grandparents. Part of the mothering instinct is supposed to be wanting the best for your children and grandchildren--which includes teaching them to excel. Part of the masculine ideal is protection and security, so it's natural to leap to your aid if you feel bad, and make you feel safe at night.

Now, there are, I think, some details in the ways in which these things are expressed which might make it seem more traditionally feminine and masculine. If your grandmother taught you to excel by being a compassionless drill-sergeant, telling you to do your best, then calling the result rubbish and sending you back to do it better--okay, fine, that's clearly a masculine way to do things.

And if your grandfather would make a huge fuss over every tiny little thing that bothered you in the slightest, that starts sounding less like the classical masculine way to provide support and protection.

And of course, the whole division into masculine and feminine is pretty arbitrary, as lots of qualities are really important to express for everyone, whether or not they got shoved to one side or the other.

But the narrowness of your descriptions made me wonder whether either you left out some key details that would make it seem much more clearly outside of gender roles, or whether your view is that most people are gender nonconforming. At which point one has to wonder, when there are problems, whether it's the gender conformation or conformation to that broader thing that isn't gender which is the problem.