Yes, she is a very good writer, but she too is covering for bigotry.*
"When a man (though, of course, not all men) butts into a conversation about a feminist issue to remind the speaker that "not all men" do something, they derail what could be a productive conversation. Instead of contributing to the dialogue, they become the center of it, excluding themselves from any responsibility or blame."
and
"Not all men beat their partners, but people who beat their partners are mostly men. Pointing out that you're not one of them doesn't help us figure out how to understand and deal with that problem."
This logic ports perfectly to calling black men "absent fathers", to calling trans people "psychologically disturbed", to calling women "gossips".
And it's just as wrong, because, well, not all black men, not all trans people, not all women (even if the rates are all genuinely higher among those groups than not-those-groups); and furthermore, to the extent that any of these things are problems, almost none of the solutions involve sweeping generalizations rather than getting into the details of who is doing what and why.
(* Unlike many, I don't conflate covering for bad behavior with acting badly oneself. Primary responsibility for bad behavior rests with the one who does it, not those who excuse them. But there's enough secondary responsibility to go around.)
I can tell from the nature of your responses that you're uninterested in actually considering the perspectives I'm bringing up, though I do (honestly!) appreciate you making it extra clear by saying so.
But if you think giving cover to bigotry is how empathy works, I have to disagree. Not a debate? Fine. But I want to actually solve the problems, which involves all the usual things like legislative agendas, highlighting positive role models, applying targeted shame at bad behavior, and so on.
I do not withhold empathy from anyone. But neither do I withhold criticism for antisocial or counterproductive behavior, though I will try to tailor it if the misbehavior is from someone in considerable emotional distress.
Those men who act badly deserve stern rebuke. I wish you (and Kelsey) would quit letting them off the hook so much.